When is the last time you just sat in one spot and didn’t do anything but feel the sun? I’m not talking about sitting next to a pool while your kids swim, or lounging in your chair while watching a peewee soccer game. I’m talking about no kids, no spouse, only the sound of the airplanes overhead and an occasional neighbor kid yelling at his sister. Well, one day a couple months ago, for twenty whole minutes, I did that. It’s okay for self-care to be selfish, right?
Self-care fits differently on everyone
Those who know me might know that I love to be in the sunshine. My favorite past time (that’s code for anything I did before I had kids) is sitting in the sun…whether it is in my backyard or by a pool or beach, I just love it. Don’t you worry, I’m also the sunscreen police, so I’m well protected while in that sunshine. When I taught at a school in Florida, I would roll my sleeves up over my shoulders and stand on top of my shoes during recess, just to get the most of that vitamin D. The summer after my first baby was born, I would try so hard to make it outside to lie on our lounger during nap time. It probably only happened a handful of times since I usually: A. took a nap myself, or B. caught up on household chores. Nevertheless, I did at least aspire to enjoy the down time.
Sometimes self-care feels like hard work
While I sat outside for that twenty minutes, trying to do nothing, I actually outlined this whole blog post in my head and kept checking my watch for the timer to go off so I could allow myself to go get my computer to start typing! I sat there, listening to the sounds of my sister’s neighborhood, where I had been staying the past two weeks. The kids were at “recess” with a lifesaver-of-a-neighbor-boy who tired them out and made them laugh constantly, and I couldn’t stop letting my mind roll away with the fact that I hadn’t done this in SO long.
Do you feel like you don’t deserve self-care?
Then again, did I really want to just sit there and do nothing? I mean, I did. I was pumped when Mr. Recess showed up to take the kids to the park. I had my La Croix poured, my sunscreen slathered and my lounging area prepared…but why couldn’t my brain let my body relax? My sister calmly lounged near me, taking in the sun herself. I (almost) rudely interrupted her and said, “Why is it so hard for me to just sit here?” She asked me what I felt I needed to do and I started rattling things off like tidy up the homeschool area, move a load of laundry to the dryer, wash the mac and cheese pot from lunch, etc. Just those daily things that I do out of routine but actively chose not to do that day because I was so determined to relax. Finally, when my timer reached zero, I swiftly went inside and grabbed my computer. I did, at least, sit outside as I typed, so there’s that.
Make self-care part of your routine
Something my sister said to me earlier that day resonated in my core. She was on a work meeting (she’s a teacher) and whoever was leading the meeting said to take some time after the meeting and do some self-care. So, my sister did some yoga and then sat in the sun to read…just for fun. It really made me think about my own self-care routine. Did I even have one? I mean, I shower and eat…that counts, right? Do I even really have the time to have self-care built into my schedule? I probably do, but it feels selfish of me to use my time for myself when there are other things that I could be doing for my family. Self-care should be a keystone habit in my life, right? I have to take care of me in order to take care of my family…at least I think that’s how it should work.
Take care of yourself in your own way
As MomSoldiers, we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves. We soldier through the day making sure everyone around us is happy and healthy, or at least I do. I pride myself in the role I have as a mom, and how I perform that role. I am involved in their learning, since we homeschool this year, I read with them, I play board games, I jump on the trampoline, take them to parks whenever the weather permits…is that not self-care if it makes me happy to see them happy?
What is your form of self-care?
I’ve always wondered if maybe my form of self-care is the happiness I feel when my family is happy. Sure, I love a quiet moment to drink my coffee while it’s hot, but more than likely I’m thinking about the day’s plan or what I need at the grocery store. Lucky for me, my MomSoldier sister had my back and made me a spa appointment for the next day, which forced me to relax! Just MomSoldiers helping MomSoldiers over here.
Find the self-care that works for you
I have to add that later that same week, my sister and I took the kids to a lake to play on a rocky beach and splash in the water. It was a rare 70-something degree day in November and we packed up some toys and took off. We had chairs to lounge in while the kids played, but I only lasted sitting down five minutes or so. I just couldn’t sit still and relax. I wanted to walk the beach, find cool rocks, build a rock tower with the kids. It was such an odd feeling to feel so relaxed when I wasn’t even relaxing. Maybe this is my form of self-care? It seems like self-care comes in many shapes and sizes, and, honestly, I’m still trying to find the right fit.
